I’m taking a mandatory rest break today. My body aches, my throat is on fire and my chest is closed as tight as a treasure box.
Our kitchen counter boasts a range of Med Lemon, Disprin, ACC200, Vitamin C Immune Booster, homeopathic flu granules, Stilpayne and asthma meds. It’s a concoction of hope. Hope that anyone of these might just be the cure to magically feeling better. But it’s an empty basket of hope if it’s missing one thing, rest.
Rest that eludes me. I lie in bed and I feel guilty. I feel guilty that Ethan is in the room next to me, just as sick, and I haven’t made him breakfast. I feel guilty for not calling the school to setup our 10 minute Parent Teachers meeting on the 19th June. I feel guilty for not doing my banking. I feel guilty for not picking up a Dora package at the post office for Zoe that’s been there since the 24th May. I feel guilty for all the unread emails in my inbox that I haven’t gotten to. I feel guilty because my colleagues are at the office and I’m at home. I feel guilty for failures that aren’t my own. I feel guilty that we haven’t gone back to the SPCA to look for Vixen. I miss her, the kids miss her. Were we not responsible enough. Why didn’t I get that chip put in a long time ago? I feel guilty for the long to do list I have that I haven’t ticked off yet.
At the end of the day the only answer to all the above is time. There just isn’t enough time to do everything. I don’t even have time to blog anymore. To take photo’s. To play. To discover our city, and there is so much happening and it’s killing me that I don’t have time to do anything! I want to register for this Underground Dinner. I want to go to this Open Air Cinema in Juta Street. I want to book a picnic Off the Beaten Track. I want to be available. I want to be here, in the moment. I am battling with this.
So as of right now I’m going to try take some time to rest, even if it’s for a short while. The banking, the post office, our lost cat, work and PTA’s can wait a few more hours.
So can the guilt.